12.01.17

The last time I wrote on here, it was our wedding day and I had just dropped Josh off at the airport and went home to spend my wedding night alone. Then, I didn't know when I would see him again or how the next couple months were going to go. NOW, just four months later, we live in GERMANY and I get to see my best friend every. single. day.
We have a home, a Christmas tree, and a pretty comfy air mattress to sleep on each night. We live in a village with a bakery down the street, hiking down the road, and biking trails wherever you look. There are times when I feel so overcome with gratitude and feel so blessed to be here, to be able to experience this new adventure. But, at other times, I find myself feeling pretty down. . .especially as it's the Christmas season. Our home is devoid of decorations, our tree is bare, and there are no pictures on the walls. The other night, I asked Josh if he ever wants to go "home", to the states. He said that he sometimes feels that way, but since there isn't anything we can do about it, he is choosing to stay positive.

Josh and I are alike in soooo many ways, it's almost scary. But, there are moments when I am reminded how he literally is my better half,  because of conversations like that one. I tend to be more of the debbie downer and focus on the things I miss or what isn't going right, while Josh reminds me of what's most important. Sometimes I  tell him that he just needs to get upset or cry or be sad so I know he's human, but that's not Josh. He is truly happy, optimistic, and can make the best out of every situation. And you know what? I love him so stinkin' much for that. As we are learning how to be newlyweds, live in a foreign country, and be part of a military community, I know I can always rely on him. He picks me up when I'm down. He holds me tight in his arms when I break out sobbing because I just miss my dog, my family, or heck, even carpet. He never laughs when I'm being dramatic over the little things, and I love him more each and every day because of it. He's patient when I want to go see someplace I saw on Pinterest and end up getting us lost ten times, or when I tell him it's just a mile hike, when it's actually six. He feeds my adventurous spirit and shares that same spirit. There were over 50 places we could have been stationed, with about 40-45 being stateside. As I think about that, I have to believe we're here for a reason. I have to believe Heavenly Father had a hand in sending us overseas, miles and miles away from our families and everything we've ever known. As the Christmas season approaches and I reflect more upon Christ's birth, and the sacrifices He made through out His life, I feel so humbled. I'm putting my faith in Him.

Last night, while we were laying in bed, Josh asked me how I was feeling physically, mentally, and spiritually. I told him honestly I just feel useless, like I have no purpose. Then I think about our Savior, how His life was full of selflessness, how he singlehandedly served the people around Him, trusted Heavenly Father with His whole heart, and I know I can do better. I can do better at serving others, making friends, and hopefully bring companionship into someone's life.

This December, I want to challenge everyone to strive to emulate the life Christ lived. Focus not on yourself, your struggles, your woes, but on those around you. Strive to serve at least one person. Make cookies for your neighbors. Invite the new family to the neighborhood into your home for dinner. Share the gospel. Spread joy. And, most importantly, love one another.

Thomas S Monson said,

"What will you and I give for Christmas this year? Let us in our lives give to the Lord and Savior the gift of gratitude by living His teachings and following in His footsteps."

I think that is the greatest gift. Live His teachings and follow in His footsteps.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

Cort

The Most Perfect Day

As I sit in bed tonight, on my wedding night, I wait for Josh to land in San Antonio so I know he's safe and can't help but feel so blessed. I'm sure many of you have questions, so I'm going to give you the condensed version of our little wedding story.

Josh called me Monday afternoon and told me he got leave and would be flying in that next morning. My emotions went through the roof! Excitement, anxiety, stress, nerves, joy---you name it, I felt it. We decided on Friday for our wedding because that gave some of my family from out of state time to make it up to Utah and gave us a little time after the wedding before he had to leave on the following Monday. Tuesday morning, I wake up before the crack of dawn to start getting ready to go to the airport to pick up Josh, even though he wouldn't be landing for another five hours. We pick him up, many tears were shed, and we start on our wedding checklist! Marriage license, suit, shoes, shirt, etc. We got it all done! Wednesday morning we wake up and have another list to complete so we get started right away. About mid morning, Josh is in the middle of shaving and gets a call from his Sergeant, which only means one thing---bad news. Josh gets off the phone and bursts into tears. He sits down, gathers me on his lap, and tells me he received his orders and has to report back in San Antonio as soon as possible. We did everything we could to delay it to even the next day, but it just wasn't possible (when they say ASAP, they really do mean as soon as possible). So, we start to brainstorm. Courthouse? Small ceremony? All I knew was, I wasn't letting Josh leave this time without becoming my husband. One o'clock rolls around and we decide, through much deliberation, that we're going to throw together a small ceremony. Then we have to decide where. Josh pulls out his tablet and types in Provo Canyon, because it just fit us. We spent so much time up there when we were dating that we knew it would be special no matter what. We find a gorgeous park (via Google satellite images) and decide that was it! We start making our calls and letting friends and family know a small ceremony was going to be happening at 4:30 that evening. About this time, three angels from my church show up at my doorstep and offer to help. Decorations were gathered, plans were made, and we were off! Our wedding was planned in about three hours, but I can't think of one thing I would change. I had a photographer willing to drop everything and come take pictures of a quick first look before the ceremony, and capture pictures throughout. I had a family friend sing a song for me to walk down the aisle to, and I had my best friend, my Papa Pete, lend me his arm as we made our way to Josh. My bishop, a man I have grown to respect so much, gave us advice and led us to the "I do's". But most importantly, I had my one true love standing next to me and holding my hand.

As I have been a military girlfriend, a military fiancé, and now a military wife, I have learned one big lesson. We really don't have much control over what happens. This life is so hard. It's unexpected. It throws you punches again and again and again. You can't make any plans because you know they'll undoubtedly end up changing. But what I've come to realize is that is not necessarily a bad thing. I didn't choose the military life, but I did choose Joshua. I choose him everyday, every moment, every second. I choose him in a hundred lifetimes, all because I love him. And with him, comes the military. Our country just needs him more than I do right now, and I'm so proud of him for being willing to answer the call---even when it's a call we really don't want to answer.

I want everyone to know we're doing okay. We stayed strong at the airport and didn't cry. We said our "I'll see you soon's" because it really is temporary. I keep reminding myself this won't last forever. Our lives will start someday, it's just not right now, and I'm okay with that because he is officially mine and I'm officially his. It will happen eventually and that makes me so happy. I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for giving me the strength to live this lifestyle. It's not easy and I don't think any military wife or husband would claim it is, but it is doable. Heavenly Father has blessed me with the personality to be able to withstand the distance and separation and I know Josh and I were put together for a reason. I just can't wait to see what that reason is.

Our wedding day wasn't what we ever imagined it would be like, but it was perfect. My heart is so full. Full of love for all the family and friends who were there, who have supported us from day one, who have been cheering us on, and who haven't gotten frustrated at us when we changed plans last minute. So many miracles have happened within the past 48 hours. We went through the lowest of lows and the highest of highs, but most of all, there was a lot of love. And for that reason, I am so at peace. I'm content, I'm happy, and I'm officially Mrs. Austin. That brings me too much joy to dwell on anything sad.

Joshua Austin,
You are my best friend. You have kept me on my toes, tried my patience, but have shown me an immeasurable amount of love. That love is what keeps me going.
As I said "I do" today, I made a promise to always love you. I promise to understand that we can't always choose how our life goes. I promise to follow you to Germany, to Alaska, and to anywhere in-between. With you, I am home, and that will never change.
I promise to be here for you on face time whenever we're apart. I promise to learn how to change a tire so I'm not stranded and helpless while you're gone. I promise to make you laugh when you're sad. I promise to try to be a good mother to our children and to love them with my whole heart. I promise to never forget the little things and to never stop doing little gestures that let you know I care about you. But most importantly, I promise to love you when life seems easy and when life seems hard. We're spending our wedding night in different states, back on different times, and with different schedules, but it's okay. I love you more than I knew I could possibly love someone, and I will hold onto that until I can hold onto you again. Until then, be safe, be strong, and think of me often.

I love you,
Your wife , Cort <3

04.28.17

President Uchtdorf said, "Once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, and it is your duty and responsibility to work every day to keep it that way. Once you have committed, the search for a soul mate is over.” (link here)

Oh how I love this quote! So many times I have heard the question, "How do you know he's The One?" Well, there are the obvious answers. Josh and I have both prayed about our relationship and have received the peace we needed to in regards to our engagement and marriage. But really, how do you know? What do you look for when searching for someone to spend an eternity with?

Josh and I met when we were young (and we still are young), but I always knew. Some people say it's because he's 6'4" and towered over the whole student body, but I always noticed him. I remember admiring him from afar day after day with major swoon worthy eyes. I mean, have you seen the guy? *drool*

But it was more than just being ridiculously attracted to him, and thus developing a mild case of stalker...itis? ;) If you don't know our story, here's the condensed version:

When I moved to Utah, I made it on the volleyball team and ended up playing with Josh's older sister,  Rachel, who shared the same position as me. We became really good friends, but I never knew Josh was her brother. She was two grades above me and graduated the year I moved there. About 7 months after she graduated, she was in a relationship with her now husband and told Josh he should ask me on a double date. His reply? "Yeah, probably not". Ouch, right? Apparently Rachel's persuasion skills are sales person worthy because he ended up asking me out. This whole time I'm still reeling over my good fortune and slight mortification over having my "admire from afar, but don't touch" crush actually talking to me. So we went on our first date and I basically was tongue tied and hung onto his every word the whole night. It's no wonder I had to initiate the second date ;) But alas, I eventually ended up wooing him with my vast knowledge of fruit (he worked in the produce section at Smiths, so good thinking on my part, right?) and with my slightly exaggerated skills at mountain biking. I think he later learned I was stretching the truth a bit on that one when we went on a date mountain biking. Oops. 

And the rest is history in the making! 848 days later, we're still together and counting down the metaphoric days until our marriage (no, we still don't have a date set). So, back to the question at hand. How do I know Josh is "The One"? I agree 100% with President Uchtdorf. I do not believe there is just one person in the world you could spend your life with. Just like you were able to make many friends, I believe it's the same with relationships. Yes, Josh and I have both received confirmation about our marriage, but that doesn't mean it will always be smooth sailing. We're going to have to work to keep the romance, tender feelings, love, and devotion alive. But again, how do I know he's the one I want to spend eternity with? 

Josh is my best friend in the whole world. He treats me like a queen. He's protective of me and always makes sure I'm doing okay, even though he is 1,000 miles away at the moment. He makes me laugh and brings out the silly in me. He constantly tells me how beautiful I am. We share the same goals in life, both spiritually and physically. He makes me want to be a better person. He's always up for an adventure, which is one of my favorite things. But I think one of the most important reasons I know he's my forever is the fact that, with him, I feel like I'm home. That may sound cheesy, but the comfort I feel around Josh puts all my fears, anxiety, and stress to rest. He literally feels like my other half and part of me hurts when we're separated. 

So, is there such a thing as a "soulmate"? I would still say no, there isn't. But, if you find someone, or if there was someone on your mind while reading this post, don't let them go. If they make you happy, work to always keep that relationship alive. It won't be easy. Sometimes life is hard and it's even harder when you have to consider another person. But having someone else there to help carry your burdens is also a great feeling. Find someone to laugh with and explore with. Someone who can be silly, but also mature when needed. Find someone you know would make a good parent to your children. Someone who encourages you to go out of your comfort zone and try new things. If the thought of spending an eternity with that person puts a huge smile on your face, then hold onto them. That is so special and shouldn't be taken for granted. 

Joshua Haymond Austin, thank you for choosing me. I thank my Heavenly Father every single day for putting you in my life, even though I had to force it a little bit ;) I consider myself one of the luckiest girls in the world to be able to call you mine. You mean the world to me and I can't wait to be your wife.

I love you today, tomorrow, and forever.

-Cort

Aspire to be better

It has been quite awhile since I sat down to write a blog post, even though I've had countless ideas running through my mind for the past couple months. It's a new year, which brings out all those "new years resolutions". You know which ones I'm talking about. The resolutions that you make because you feel like you should---even though you know there's no chance in you know where that you'll actually complete them. The resolutions that you feel like are the "right things to say you want to accomplish" such as losing weight or eating healthier.

I'm not a fan of resolutions and here's why:

The word resolution basically means to do or not to do something. Nowadays, the term 'New Year's Resolution' holds no deeper meaning. It has become a "goal" you set in the beginning of the year that you know is most likely not going to be accomplished. And, shockingly, when our new year's resolutions get pushed aside and forgotten, we can laugh it off and say, "Oh, no one actually completes those, so it's fine". You've heard that before, right?

So here's what I would suggest:

Instead of the word 'resolution', let's look at the word 'aspiration'. Aspiration means the hope or ambition of achieving something. To me, that already sounds a hundred times better than a resolution. There are some powerful words in that simple definition. Hope. Ambition. Achieving.
All three of those words require some sort of emotional connection to what you're aspiring towards. Remember resolution? To do or not to do something. That doesn't require any effort or really any consequence if not completed. But if you aspire toward something you really want, then you won't be okay when it goes unaccomplished.

Now here's another thought I had on the new year:

We've all heard, and maybe even said, the phrase "New year, new me". My problem with this statement is that it implies a complete change or shift in your life as soon as the clock changes from 11:59 pm on December 31st to 12:00 am on January 1st. I say kudos to you if you can just start fresh at the beginning of every year. But, if you're like me, it's not so easy. I've been thinking a lot about the people who don't get to say "new year, new me". The people who are taking the problems from 2016 with them into 2017. And honestly, I would say I'm one of those people. 2016 wasn't so good to me. Sure, there were good moments. I made it to state for track, I graduated high school, my brother came home from his mission, and I got a puppy. But, there were also some serious negatives. I couldn't afford to go to college right away, Josh left for the Air Force, my parents started their divorce papers, my dad left, and I've just felt pretty exhausted with life. But here's what has really stood out to me in the past couple weeks, and it goes back to the word 'aspiration'. 2017 will still contain the same problems for me that 2016 held. But, the difference is, I'm starting off the year with hope. I'm engaged to the man of my dreams, even though the situation is difficult. He's 1,000 miles away and we have no idea when he'll get to come home next. I have a cute puppy to keep me company and make me smile on the days that are rough. I have a great family who is loving and supports me. . .and I'll be gaining a second family who I love just as much. All of these aspects of my life give me hope.

Before Josh got on the plane to go back to Texas, we sat at his gate together and talked about some aspirations we have as a couple. I told him I would always tell him what was on my mind, whether it was telling him when I think he looks handsome, or telling him when something is bothering me. We made aspirations as a couple for the new year. But I think what also makes an aspiration different from a resolution is the timeline. A resolution usually only lasts however long you can keep it going. But an aspiration will, hopefully, last your entire life. Sure, we made these goals as a couple for the next year as we're starting our lives together, but that doesn't mean it will end on January 1st of 2018. These aspirations we have will impact and change our relationship for an eternity.

If you are an avid New Year's Resolution-ist, I'm not trying to degrade you for that. If you can make a resolution and stick to it, then good job and I'm proud of you! But to the others who struggle, I challenge you to drop the resolution and add an aspiration. Aspire to be more kind. Aspire to be more forgiving. Aspire to be a giver. Aspire to make the best of every situation. Aspire to have more hope. Aspire to be better. Because that's really what it's all about, right? Being better than we were before.

With love,
Cort