10/22/15

"Christmas is the spirit of giving without a thought of getting. It is happiness because we see joy in people. It is forgetting self and finding time for others. It is discarding the meaningless and stressing the true values. It is peace because we have found peace in the Savior's teachings. It is the time we realize most deeply that the more love is expended, the more there is of it for others."

-Thomas S. Monson

The Christmas season to me is exactly what President Monson described:

Christmas is. . .

spirit of giving
happiness
joy
forgetting self
finding time for others
stressing the true values
peace
love


12/22/15

After 65 years of marriage, today my sweet grandparents are entering the temple to receive their endowments and be sealed as a family for time and all eternity (To learn more about eternal families, click here for a great talk).

As I've grown older, the Christmas season has become more meaningful to me. I have come to acknowledge the purpose of Christmas, the joy that is felt, and the love our Heavenly Father has for each one of us. Christmas is time with family, baking sugary treats, gift shopping, and listening to carolers. It's driving around and seeing houses decorated with lights, trees glowing in the windows, and snow covered driveways. But most importantly, it is a time to reflect on our Savior, Jesus Christ.

This Christmas, I have felt the love of our Savior more profoundly than I ever have. As I was helping my grandmother put on her makeup before leaving for the temple, I was struck with an amazing feeling of peace. As I looked at her, though aged with lines that provide a glimpse into the life she has lived, I couldn't help but think of the beautiful woman she is and the love our Heavenly Father has for her. . . as well as her family.

We have been given the gift of an eternal family. The new pair of shoes or the new toy won't matter in 10 or 20 years, but the gift of family is priceless and has no end. Because of the missionaries and the example of others in my grandparents lives, my family and many generations to come will be eternal. We will be able to meet again in the next life and laugh and love and celebrate being a family. Because of our Savior, we have been blessed with the most precious gift that could have been given to my family this Christmas season: an eternal family. And for that, I will be forever grateful.

Merry Christmas

-Cort

10/21/15

There are a few times in my life where I’ve given into peer pressure, and as much as this story pains me to retell, here it is:

I pull on my weathered boots and run out the creaky screen door, as fast as my 6 year old legs will carry me. As I run, I yell over my shoulder to my brother and cousin, “Hurry up! They’re coming in!” Skipping to a halt a few feet in front of the corral’s gate, I take my steps more cautiously so I don’t spook the horses. My brother and cousin have caught up to me now and I hear them slow down, treading lightly.

Reaching the gate, I hop onto the top railing and perch atop it-- giving me a perfect view of the horses as they make their way in from the pasture for some water. Out of the five horses, I’m only interested in one, though he’s not a horse at all, but my donkey, Skates.

“There he is” I yell, “There’s Skates!” I turn and face the donkey, my donkey, as of two days ago. As he comes in the gate, I cluck at him and hold out my hand, begging him to acknowledge my presence. To my utter joy, he comes right up to me and I squeal-- the full excitement of owning a large, very large, animal overwhelming me.

“What are you waiting for? Hop on him!” my brother dares me. I look over my shoulder at my dad mowing the lawn and then back at the donkey, unsure of my next move.

“Are you sure dad won’t get mad?”  I ask my older, and at the time I thought, much wiser, brother.

“He’s yours. Don’t be a girl, get on him!” he snickers.

At the age of 6 and a complete tomboy from the unbrushed hair, to the holes in my jeans, his name calling irks me into action. As I look at Skates, I see he has turned away from me, with his head facing the opposite direction.

“I can do this” I think to myself as I brace my two little hands on the fence. I plop my bum down on his back, with my face to his backside. Immediately, I feel Skates’ body tense from the unwelcome guest and I realize I have made a terrible mistake. Just before I can retrace my steps and ask for forgiveness, Skates takes off at a strong gallop, with no consideration for the small body he is taking with him.

Having nothing to grasp, my hands flail wildly and I hear my cousin yell, “Get off!” but before I can make any move, I feel myself flying through the air and land on the hard, manure covered ground with a sound “thud!”

Moaning, I look at my dirt covered body and look up to see my brother, cousin, and dad sprinting toward me. But instead of the anger I expect to see engraved on my dad’s face, all I see is concern. I breathe a sigh of relief and stand up-- vowing to never listen to my brother again.

My six year old self learned a few lessons that day, but the most important has been to never give into peer pressure. Do I think my brother meant harm? No. Do I still love him today and think the world of him? Of course. But as a 6 year old, I knew no better. If my older and wiser brother thought it was okay, well, then who was I to question it? But as I grow older and as I, myself, become wiser, I have learned to trust my own gut instinct. I live in a society where drinking, smoking, and other wordly enticements are the everyday norm. When “Just saying no” as I was taught from a young age, turned into getting mocked for not being “cool” or “layed back”, I started to question my morals. But as a now 18 year old young woman, I can proudly say that I have never drank, never done drugs, and can stand up for myself. Peer pressure can be my worst enemy-- if I let it control me-- but it can also act as a guide. When I say “No”, I am that much closer to becoming the person I want to be, without anyone else choosing my path for me.

Joshua Haymond Austin

 Joshua Austin.

Let me tell you a little bit about my best friend. I've known Joshua for a little over eight months and I can tell you he loves to have his face tickled, his hair played with, his meat plentiful, his workouts tough, and his country music loud. His favorite scripture is Joshua 1:9 because it's his name and his birthday, his favorite primary song is I Hope They Call Me on a Mission, and he gets the chills every time The National Anthem is played or sung. 

He won't ever admit it, but he knows every word to the song Love Story by Taylor Swift and it's my favorite song to blast in the car because I know he won't be able to contain himself from singing along...at the very top of his lungs.

 He's the handiest man I've ever met. If he sees something that needs fixing, no matter where it is, he fixes it. I think it's an impulse he can't control, but I secretly love it. Even if it's sliding doors in a fancy model home that should probably just be left alone. He can make the best welds known to man, and he's taught me what makes a weld great so I can agree that he IS the best welder known to man. 

He is the world's most confident dancer. I've quoted him saying, "I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm confident so it don't matter!" (Sweethearts Dance, 2015) And boy, if you saw him, you would definitely believe that statement :) One of my absolute favorite things to do with Joshua is dance. He's a mean swing dancer and is probably the only guy on earth who has willingly said he would take swing classes with me, though he probably wouldn't admit that either ;) 

 Joshua can pick up anything on the spot and succeed first try. His senior year he decided (with a little help from me) that he would join the men's volleyball team, never having played volleyball before. And when I say he's good it's not just me being bias. It was amazing to watch him absorb every move he saw another player do, then go out on the court and replicate exactly what they just did. He went from never having played to being (in my opinion) one of the best players on the court and taking his team to state. And I think that's pretty great. His 6'4" frame definitely was a plus as well. I've never seen so many balls blocked. 

 We argue about the differences between counters and islands, cheese crisps and quesadillas, if summer or winter is the better season (which obviously is summer, hands down), if it's called rabbit hunting or bunny busting, and if the Jazz actually has a chance this season. We agree that mountain biking is one of the best hobbies in the world, fruity anything is way better than anything chocolatey, dogs always win over cats (though cat videos are always more funny), and a day outside adventuring is a day well spent. 

 Joshua holds my hand. Constantly. And I absolutely love it. He would rather hold ten groceries in one hand than let go of my hand in the other. He also kisses the back of my hand, which makes my heart melt. In the car, sitting on the couch, at the grocery store, playing board games---pretty much whatever we do he makes sure he has kissed the back of my hand. This is such a simple act, but he knows that once he does it, I'll always smile, and I think that's what I do most of---smiling. A constant smile is always on my face, to the point where I have to stop smiling once in awhile just to give my face a break! Josh is definitely the optimistic one. He loves to be happy and it radiates off of him. 

He makes sure I know I'm beautiful. I got a horrible haircut and I was pretty danged sure it was the end of the world. The right side was shorter than the left side and it was definitely noticeable. I was on the verge of tears the entire day, but when Joshua saw me he just tilted my head to the right, making the right side even with the left side, kissed my forehead and told me I look stunning and my hair is gorgeous. Never have I ever been more grateful for anyone than right in that moment. I knew that he wasn't just saying that to avoid an obviously close emotional breakdown, but that he genuinely meant what he had just said. And yes, I still have my moments where I complain about my hair, but never once did Joshua laugh at it. Every time I bring it up, he tells me I'm beautiful and I'm just starting to believe him.

 Joshua and I can talk for hours and hours and never run out of things to say. A couple weeks ago we went to Lake Powell and there were many nights we just laid on the boat or sat in chairs looking at the stars and talked. I learned so much about Josh and my respect and love toward him grew immensely. We talked about patriarchal blessings, prayer, families, the military, our fears, what we're excited for in life, our dislikes, our likes, childhood stories, and things that have happened to us that have made us who we are today. I learned about his desire to defend his religion and every religion and how he is excited to fight for what he believes is worth fighting for as he gets ready to join the Air Force. He's the strongest person I know and though the thought of him leaving is extremely hard, I would never take it away from him. He lights up when he talks about saving lives, and I know he will be able to accomplish anything he sets his mind to.

Joshua Austin, you're the giant to my midget and the best to my friend. 

You tickle me relentlessly, you use my head as an arm rest, and you laughed during my fish's funeral, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You make me one happy gal and I'm glad you're my darlin'.

Love,

Cortlee

04/12/15

This is the third post I've started tonight. It's late and my head is full of thoughts I can't seem to put into words. If anyone truly knows me, they should know this is a constant struggle of mine.

There's a quote that says, 

"That's what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable." -Deb Caletti

Unfortunately, that has been me these past couple weeks. I haven't been so lovable and I've been blaming it on everything from school to stress to loneliness to missing my brother, but I finally realized that while these things possibly had a negative effect on me, I was really the source of the problem. 

I'm not good at opening up, nor have I ever been. I shut down, get depressed, and don't let anyone in. I overthink. I worry. I complain. I feel the pressure of the world. Recently, I have felt all these things tenfold. I felt like everyone was against me, doubting and finding fault in my every move. I was being criticized from every angle in my life, and you know what? I was angry. I was mad at people for not seeing how difficult my life already was and for adding onto it. 

A lot of things are extremely important to me, and if we were to compile a list, at the top would always be family. During all this, I never once doubted my parents love for me. Sure, I got frustrated, but I never once felt unloved. I was not lovable, but they put their arms around me and loved me anyway. I have been blessed with one of the best families in the world, and I sometimes find myself taking for granted that fact.

There's one person specifically that I've always had a special connection with. Many of my childhood memories include him. From eating peaches late at night, to waking up early to go on drives around the ranch. This person is my best friend, my role model, and my inspiration. My Papa Pete.

My grandpa (Papa Pete) was born in 1930 and moved to Duncan, Arizona in 1935. He graduated from Duncan high school in 1948 and went on to play basketball for the University of Arizona on a scholarship. After meeting his future wife and my grandma, his plans for obtaining a degree changed and they were married in 1950. From there, my grandma's dad introduced my Papa Pete to the ranching life and they moved to Colorado to begin a life of ranching. In 1962, they moved back to Arizona and managed a ranch for a friend. In 1977, they fulfilled their dreams and bought their own cattle ranch, calling it Tanque.

An interesting story, but why am I telling you? Well, it has to do with one sentence my Papa said while we were visiting for Thanksgiving that has stuck with me since that day. He humbly said, with tears in his eyes,

"I feel so blessed. I have lived the American Dream."

My grandpa's life has in no way been easy. He has worked hard his entire life to get where he's at today, and because of that, he is one of the people I look up to the most. He has accomplished so many great things in his life, including being entered into the Cowboy Hall of Fame, and many people admire and respect him for his accomplishments. But out of all his many achievements, there is one that I think tops them all. 

On November 29, 2014,  My Papa Pete was baptized and confirmed as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  

When I think back to that day, I don't think about my terrible piano playing or the fact that my brother wasn't there with us. When I think about that morning and seeing my Papa Pete dressed in white, all I can think about is how perfect it was. The humility and happiness. The moment we all silently wished for and knew would happen, happened. In that moment, there was peace. 

I make mistakes. I get grumpy. Life throws me curveballs and I sometimes feel like giving up and striking out. But the great part about life is we are all given second chances. At any given moment, we can wake up and say, "Today is the day I'm going to be happy". And from then on, you choose each day to be happy. You choose. The American Dream was an ideal that started in the 1930's where success was achieved through hard work and dedication. But even now, it is still just as relevant. Life is sometimes hard work. It beats you down to the point where you just don't feel like getting back up. When that happens, when you aren't so lovable, let yourself be held by those who do love you. And when you're ready, you stand tall, and you live your life in a way that you can one day hold your head high and say, 

"I feel so blessed. I have lived the American Dream."

Whatever that entails for you, you live your own American Dream.