There's a quote that says,
"That's what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable." -Deb Caletti
Unfortunately, that has been me these past couple weeks. I haven't been so lovable and I've been blaming it on everything from school to stress to loneliness to missing my brother, but I finally realized that while these things possibly had a negative effect on me, I was really the source of the problem.
I'm not good at opening up, nor have I ever been. I shut down, get depressed, and don't let anyone in. I overthink. I worry. I complain. I feel the pressure of the world. Recently, I have felt all these things tenfold. I felt like everyone was against me, doubting and finding fault in my every move. I was being criticized from every angle in my life, and you know what? I was angry. I was mad at people for not seeing how difficult my life already was and for adding onto it.
There's one person specifically that I've always had a special connection with. Many of my childhood memories include him. From eating peaches late at night, to waking up early to go on drives around the ranch. This person is my best friend, my role model, and my inspiration. My Papa Pete.
My grandpa (Papa Pete) was born in 1930 and moved to Duncan, Arizona in 1935. He graduated from Duncan high school in 1948 and went on to play basketball for the University of Arizona on a scholarship. After meeting his future wife and my grandma, his plans for obtaining a degree changed and they were married in 1950. From there, my grandma's dad introduced my Papa Pete to the ranching life and they moved to Colorado to begin a life of ranching. In 1962, they moved back to Arizona and managed a ranch for a friend. In 1977, they fulfilled their dreams and bought their own cattle ranch, calling it Tanque.
An interesting story, but why am I telling you? Well, it has to do with one sentence my Papa said while we were visiting for Thanksgiving that has stuck with me since that day. He humbly said, with tears in his eyes,
"I feel so blessed. I have lived the American Dream."
My grandpa's life has in no way been easy. He has worked hard his entire life to get where he's at today, and because of that, he is one of the people I look up to the most. He has accomplished so many great things in his life, including being entered into the Cowboy Hall of Fame, and many people admire and respect him for his accomplishments. But out of all his many achievements, there is one that I think tops them all.
On November 29, 2014, My Papa Pete was baptized and confirmed as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
When I think back to that day, I don't think about my terrible piano playing or the fact that my brother wasn't there with us. When I think about that morning and seeing my Papa Pete dressed in white, all I can think about is how perfect it was. The humility and happiness. The moment we all silently wished for and knew would happen, happened. In that moment, there was peace.
I make mistakes. I get grumpy. Life throws me curveballs and I sometimes feel like giving up and striking out. But the great part about life is we are all given second chances. At any given moment, we can wake up and say, "Today is the day I'm going to be happy". And from then on, you choose each day to be happy. You choose. The American Dream was an ideal that started in the 1930's where success was achieved through hard work and dedication. But even now, it is still just as relevant. Life is sometimes hard work. It beats you down to the point where you just don't feel like getting back up. When that happens, when you aren't so lovable, let yourself be held by those who do love you. And when you're ready, you stand tall, and you live your life in a way that you can one day hold your head high and say,
"I feel so blessed. I have lived the American Dream."
Whatever that entails for you, you live your own American Dream.
